De Scottish Watches.
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Hey, it is Sunday so we asked @prophetsnwatches to give us a round up of. eh well, watches on prophets…so here we go. Ed.
1. The Opulent Signal
These are the overtly gaudy, rich-guy Pastors that always seem to wear watches that “accidentally” catch on the sleeve as the cameras pan. Maybe they were styled, maybe they were gifts, but they all send the same message – “I’ll pray for you, but I’m not like you”.
Benny Hinn with his President Day Date
2. The “Hey, Lemme Take You to Lunch”
These guys won’t turn down a good discussion. Catch them after church and ask them about objective morality within the confines of moral secularism creeping into the modern church. You will immediately see their eyes widen as they hurry their wife and 6 kids into their Dodge Caravan – urgently informing you “No no, Karen will sit in the back with kids, you sit up front. You like Panera?”.
Matt Chandler with his Humble Fossil
3. The “New Guy, with New Money, Who Made It Really Big, Really Fast, and Really Wants You to Know about it”
The dude who maybe wrote a mediocre book, got some notoriety among some of the younger celebrity pastor scene, and immediately had to fit in with that crowd, quickly, to maintain that level of success. Maybe his Instagram exploded and they gave him “mad props” on his style. Often uses phrases like “The Church Fam” in sermon illustrations and always has some fresh kicks for Sunday morning. You can usually find them marching for social justice issues but ultimately just ends up just posting about it on Instagram – Hopeful to maybe nab that Fox interview.
Chad Veach with a Royal Oak
(Ok so is it just me? Two Words..Urban Gentry. Ed)
4. The Dad Pastor
Often, just generally excited to find something other than Jesus to be excited about. Can usually be seen wearing something practical, but also complicated. Often heard bragging about how many functions his watch has, followed by “Isn’t that crazy? Like, can you believe something so small can do so many things? Like this can track atomic time across 43 cities. I mean, I don’t leave Arkansas, but like, isn’t that nuts?”
JD Grear with his Citizen Skyhawk
5. The “I Don’t Think you Understand, I Just Need to Tell the Time”
They’re the kind of pastors who make a special trip to Wal Mart because they accidentally sat on their last readers. They’ve probably been told a few times that they’re running over their allotted sermon time, and probably blame it on how far away the balcony clock is. So, while they’re at Wal Mart getting their new readers, they cop a small trinket watch to check from the pulpit whenever they are decided on chasing a rabbit trail or staying on target.
John Piper with his little Casio Sport
6. The “Give to My Ministry and You’ll Never Want For Anything Again”
AKA the Prosperity Gospel Preacher. These guys are usually unanimously condemned from 90% of the mainstream church community, but really find a way to influence people to financially give – typically by promising returns. Often being heard saying “Think of giving as an investment in your future”. Meanwhile, they’re on their second private jet heading to God-only-knows (no literally, only God knows) to “preach the gospel with your generous gift”. Usually blatantly noticeable by double dry-cleaned suites, luxury watches, and ties that cost more than my car.
Kenneth Copeland with one of his Navitimers
7. The Genuine Watch Enthusiast Who Still Wanted to be a Pastor
These are my favorite. These are the guys that maybe weren’t in the church scene and felt called into it. The problem is they still maintained a healthy love of some nice wrist candy, and you don’t want to come off as gaudy. You can often identify these guys because they don’t wear the big-name brands, but always have a respectable piece. They’ll sell one when they want another so they aren’t maintaining healthy collections, just humble pieces they can enjoy while they have them. They’ll typically gravitate towards more common enthusiasts’ brands that don’t break the bank, but will absolutely take you up on that offer to talk watches after men’s group over coffee.
Gabriel Swaggart with his Tudor Heritage Black Bay Bronze